God helped me in the maternity clinic
…I asked God to help my Johnny thrive.God was silent and I went through the stations of the Cross every day.I had enough of that one evening and I revolted against God.I asked him whether he liked my anguish – why didn´t he help me?.I never liked theories about God´s help in the people´s life too much.I needed experience directly God´s power in my life.It´s happened in my life many times.I want to write the following lines about how the things are in practice.Last summer God blessed us and I found out I was expecting ( the third one ).Although we didn´t plan for him, all of us were looking forward to him very much.God wanted him to be born and to give him to us after all.Since I haven´t been in the pink of health anymore, I was praying all my pregnancy for a healthy child, uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery.I was looking forward to the happy moment of the birth when I´d see my baby for the first time.I also remembered splendid moments when I nursed my two children.Nothing of these things happened.As I had health troubles, Johnny came into the world a month sooner – ( by the Caesarian section ).He weighed 1.93kg.He was resuscitated and breathed badly.I didn´t see him for two days.He had to be put into the incubator for two weeks ( including five days at the intensive care unit ).He was unable to be breast-fed nor could he drink out of a small bottle so he had to be probed. I went to see him and every day I expected a new kind of health troubles to be announced by the doctors. I asked God to help my Johnny thrive.God was silent and I went through the daily stations of the¨Cross.I had enough of that one evening and I revolted against God.I asked him whether he liked my anguish – why didn´t he help me?.I also told Him I would never ever talk to the people about Him until he cured my child.Why should I talk about Him when he´s like a fair-weather friend. At that time I stopped praying deliberately……But I couldn´t bear it long.Next day I found out I wasn´t feeling better at all and I wouldn´t profit anything from revolting against God.I was regretful about not being able to put up with my suffering.After all Jesus´d suffered for me much more.I asked him to forgive me….
On that day my girlfriend told me:“ You´re mistaken! God isn´t a vending machine you put a prayer in and it´s gonna be heard at once.He might have other ideas of your life.The most important thing is to offer Johnny to God.Thus, you´ll untie His hands and He´ll be able to act.“ And I didn´t want to.I was afraid of doing it because God could take him away from me.But I had no alternative.Having tears in my eyes and grief in my heart I told my Lord sincerely:“My Lord, I offer Johnny to You.“And…no terrible thing happened.Far from it.The miracle occured in my heart.Whenever God comes to you I think it´s a miracle.A sort of happiness´s burning in your heart and you feel happy and overjoyed.Although there were still some troubles with my boy, my heart was full of light.Especially songs about God and praises were much help to me.I often listened to them and sang them in the maternity hospital.
I offered these prayers to God.They kept my head “above water“.I no longer blamed God for anything, I no longer dictated terms, I didn´t beg, I was just offering all saying:“ My Lord, now just take care of us!“ And God took good care of us.My little sweetie was transferred to my ward in a week´s time.He learned how to drink from a small bottle and started putting on weight.We were discharged from the maternity clinic after three weeks.Nowdays Johnny´s almost three months and he´s going from strength to strength.
This sorrow showed me that even during sufferings you can be happy and joyful..I believe that if I keep on offering God my life and my child´s life, then everything that´ll happen, will be for our own good and it´ll make sense.I continue to feel various fears and sorrows.That´s the way the cookies crumble.But if you´re living with God, that is, in the hope, then your life is beautiful.I look forward to every encounter with God that´s my strength.It´s very liberating that I needn´t live in the permanent fear of the illness, death, failure and unemployment….And I really enjoy leading such a life.
I thank God for the life and for my little boy´s health and I also¨thank all those who´ve been praying for us.
In conclusion, I´d like to say together with Virgin Mary:“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he´s been mindful of the humble state of his servant.From now on all generations will call me blessed. ( Luke 1,46-48 ).
Pavla Genzerová, May 2005, Zlín.
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