Ježíš

This week there are folk missions in the parish of Ostrava-Třebovice.Those who´ve experienced them know that there´s a mission speech on the different topic each Mass.

Today being full of expectations I´ve hurried to the Holy Mass with the talk „EUCHARIST CELEBRATION“.The church was packed with people so to be on the safe side I took a seat in the organ loft.

People were coming and the organist was playing and playing.A few moments later, I happily joined the crowd.The crowd, which had once followed Jesus so that they could listen to His words or touch His garment, came to my mind. Just as I was about to appear before the Lord himself, my whole body started trembling without reason.You can´t call it shivers or stage fright, I didn´t perceive my surrounding.I just stand there.So close.And not only myself but my whole family.My mum, sister – everyone – was with me there.Out of the blue it dawned on me what is written in Luke 7, 6.That I´m not worthy of His coming to me.I could feel His holiness, purity and divinity....and what about me? I could feel my weakness, sinfulness and my mere humanity.Tears welled up in my eyes.I wasn´t worthy of looking into his eyes and smiling as the priest encouraged us to do.Such a weakness…Let´s call a spade a spade – there was no humility on my side but I realized how many times I behaved agaist his commandments.Deliberately I liked to go away from Him by acting and thinking in a different way ( Oh, yeah )…Just in a few moments.I realized my greatness…..I was so tiny!

As I was next to the flight of stairs to the organ loft, a friend of mine ( the mother of three children ) that was kneeling there, grasped my hand and looked at me in a very nice way.I was pleased with this gesture but at the same time I was also a bit surprised….It may be granted me to understand its meaning in the matter of time.

I´m kneeling and looking at Him.I´ve opened my hymn-book but I´m not singing with the others.Silently the divine glare hypnotizes me.

Lenka, Ostrava, February 2011