My life was heavy metal
At a concert of the Brno band Root I cried with the singer:“Oh,Satan you ruler of the whole world,my love for you is as strong as a rock…”somewhere else I sent Christians with Jesus packing… Finally, approximately eight months later I made a decision to write my evidence.It´ll be about an enthusiastic fan of the metal music, about the encounter with God and his path from the total refusal of any faith to the faith in Jesus Christ.I was brought up in the completely unbelieving family ever since I was a child.I didn´t hear almost anything about faith, God and things like that..It´s never crossed my mind to think about God I refused the spiritual world I rather ridiculed in secret the people who believed I was simply an obstinate atheist.I didn´t have any personal views of the things around me I agreed with the mainstream opinion.I gave in to the trend.
Radical change in my life happened in my second year of technical college.It wasn´t because of any friend, any politician or any girl.I´ve just come across different style of music than so far.I don´t know why I started liking rock´n´roll then but I got my teeth into it.It´s started with the bands Kabát, Alkehol, Nirvana and so on.Then heavy metal came next and I started the bad rolling.It was innocuous at the beginning.I was listening to the heavy and trash metal, something like Metallica, Iron Maiden, Helloween , Sepultura and so forth.Actually, I wasn´t aware at all of the fact that I was beginning to change.It came home to me that I also was somebody I wasn´t just part of something big I wasn´t a copy but an original.Influenced by this music I formed my views on the surroundings, society, politics / I was more left-wing / and of course on the mass religion and especially on Christianity.I considered Christianity just as one mass religion a sort of political manipulation with people.I´ve just seen the bad things in it.The good things passed unnoticed.I detested the mediaeval practices of the inquisition, intolerance towards the Jews, another faith, homosexuals and then those funny indulgences, kissing of pictures, statues, threats of hell and so on.Their only right faith in the very weird God made me hopping mad.I changed heavy metal for the death metal which is a very extreme offshoot of metal music.I started to like the bands Krabathor, Cannibal Corpse ,Death, Deicide etc.The lyrics of these bands aren´t rosy at all, actually it´s about the disagreement with something experienced, about criticism of the conservative society,against war,politics and also God, it´s also against humanity, some lyrics and record sleeves indicate it very clearly.And precisely these lyrics´ve appealed to me a lot and seeped through my body.I don´t know why but I liked it very much.And what´s more, black metal appealed to me and their lyrics about hell, about Satan and about modern faith in God you can become but this was only a side issue.Then I´ve fallen in love for the first time, in a year´s time I took my school-leaving exam then I passed the entrance exams at the college of civil engineering and after that there was my best holiday.I started attending the metal concerts and festivals and I came to know innumerable quantity of new bands that I liked.I considered it as one big family that´s trying to set me free from something old and something inside my experience.I began to like alcohol, cigarettes and a little bit marihuana as well.At a concert of the Brno band Root I cried with the singer:”Satan, you ruler of the whole world my love for you is as strong as a rock”…Somewhere else I sent Christians with Jesus packing.That was simply fantastic.
Thefirst two years of the college went off without a hitch.Then my second big life change followed.At the festival in Litoměřice during the holidays I made friends with a girl who liked extreme music as well.She shared the same left-wink opinion as me.We spent a lot of time together and went to see the concentration camp in Terezin where she´d told that it was a complete horror and it was never allowed to happen again.As a matter of fact, she was the first person who was so open with me about this matter.I started being madly in love with her.It was a completely different love than I felt towards my first girl but also one-sided.Afterwards,new year arrived and I kept thinking of her and missing a lot of classes.
She said no and it hurt me a lot.I lost the sense of my life and grew tired of many things.I experienced mental anguish during the following days and weeks and it was much worse because I corked up my emotions inside.Then the summer term came and I forgot about this unrequited love.but new problems turned up, frequent depressions, I retired into my shell.My salvation consisted in different things, for instance, in this metal music.I was given some hope by the doom metal which is a slow depressive metal.I drove away my anxieties with this depressive music,it helped me for the sake of appearance but in reality I was falling lower and lower.The culmination of this unpleasant period was the interruption of my study at university.It was a radical solution but quite effective.As if all the troubles up to now
finished.I took a summer job during all the holiday and almost all the following winter term I stayed at home.
Shortly before the interruption of my study I started browsing school Internet.where I ran into some xchat.Precisely speaking I began attending the virtual rooms where there were some people and talked about various topics.In the first place I chose the room with the metal music and of course the room Christian where I immediately started squabbling with the present Christians.And as the time passed I hit it off quite well with some people although just on Internet.The end of the holiday arrived and I entered into correspondence with a quite radical Christian,little Rosary by name.First of all, we wrote to each other about metal music and then of course about the faith in God about whom it´s written in the Bible.We finally met in November after long e-mail discussions in order to clear everything up in private.How na?ve I was when I thought I was going to explain it all to her.God doesn´t exist after all and if he exists so he´s completely different from her ideas.What can I have in common with the cruxifiction?I was allegedly created by this God?And in addition to that, this statement about my own sinfulness? Why did God do so many things thus and no in other way?I´d surely do it in another way and even better!And then Jesus is allegedly the only way to God?But everybody can say so!Although our completely different attitudes I always carried off from our get-together something new, positive and encouraging.
The New year has arrived, February has come and I began to find out that something was happening inside me.As if I started to realize a kind of spiritual world little by little.I´ve taken up studying the summer term.I´ve made friends with another Christian called Blue seven on Internet.We´ve met immediately to have a little chat.But I´ve already heard these words about the God somewhere! Actually, she doesn´t tell me any news but as if she explained it to me and I started to understand it more deeply.March has come and I was aware of the fact that gradually I was beginning to believe in God! It was a very difficult period for me,unbeliever´s started to believe and he thought this biblical God was right.But other problems turned up.And this problem was Jesus.I was told that a belief in God was a great thing but this path to God lead through Jesus Christ.It lead through receiving Christ for one´s own Lord.I was given the reference to the Bible, the John´s gospel.And that was it.Easier said than done.It was fairly difficult for me to put it into effect.As a matter of fact, it was sufficient to say a couple of sentences and that would be it.But there was a snag in it.For six years I´d been listening to the mad music something accumulated inside me that have obstructed this quite well nowdays.I was feeling this radical change had to come sometime but this humbleness, this humiliation that´d been a bit steep for me.At the beginning of April I was invited for the celebration of the resurrection to a church.I felt well and safely there and the final prayer was really powerful.After it´d finished I was quite off the beam and I didn´t perceive the others.And then the Blue Seven and little Rosary told me at the same time that they were going to show the film Jesus at the cinema so if I was interested in seeing it.
The film was on 18 April 2001 and I was born again on that day.Finally, after two months of hesitation and internal fights I received Jesus for my only Lord.Then I was told that I´ve been such a small baby who was just drinking milk but later I was going to eat different fare and I was going to strengthen my faith and develop it.I found out after some time how they meant it.When I look back into my past I must laugh and at the same time be ashamed of my attitude to Christ and the Bible.But I know that my sins have been forgiven, He died even for my sins.
I know Christianity isn´t a simple religion, it isn´t only obedient observances of some people´s commands but it´s about personal relationship with God, not with god who people´ve made up and created to their image but with God who´s been here since the very beginning, with God who is the only one and is living. Amen
Radim Bohdálek, březen 2003
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