Ježíš

Gradually the split in my heart started to grow.The incessant remorse and fear soon resulted in the severe neurosis.And so I was treated at the mental asylum for years.Sometimes my state improved but other times it got worse.My marriage was ruined.I could hear words like: prostitute, crazy woman…The hysterical rows resulted in the unbearable tension within our family.Once my teenage son told me:“I´ll kill you and I´ll be glad to do all those years in prison!“ Yeah, I admit being a bad wife, mother and daughter-in-law, a public nuisance to my son and to others.

I got together with a very nice woman for years.Her name was Susan.I was surprised that whenever I asked her for something, she was free and she understood my problems.Whenever we talked together she used to conclude our conversation:“Why don´t you put your sufferings on Jesus´s cross?“I guessed that there is a God above us and even knew a few stories from the Old Testament but it was never interesting for me.Only Chrismas and Easter talked to me through their particular quiet urgency.From time to time I attended Catholic mass or Protestant worship.There I had an urge to say a prayer but it was all.

She also gave me the Bible and the book Labyrinth of the world and Paradise of heart by Comenius.I looked in the books but it wasn´t a light reading for me.And so I placed them in my bookcase.

I often complained to her about my situation, my son´s callousness and my husband´s quarrelsomeness.I opened my heart to her – I was tormented by the feeling of loneliness and the knowledge that nobody loved me.Once when I told her crying that not only my son and husband are bad but there was also some evil inside me, she answered me:“It´s true that you´ve messed up what you could but there is Jesus that is still waiting for you.Turn to him and tell him what´s troubling you.“

I´ve been troubled by the bulimia ( the compulsive appetite ) for long years.I didn´t hesitate to eat three plates of soup and ten sandwiches.Then I vomited it all and was again on the lookout for some new food.Recently even three times a day.My biggest problem was banquets and holidays.Nobody knew what was happening during the preparation of the meals in the kitchen, how much food went down the drain.

The first Chrismas after my conversion approached.I was so scared because I didn´t know how I´d resist so much food.I fell on my knees and pleaded:“Jesus, help me to get rid of this horror!“The Lord Jesus heard my prayers and finally healed me of this aweful disease.He´s able to change every life however horrible it may be and to forgive every sin however heinous it may