The confession of the successful businessman
On Sunday morning August 2, 1998 I telephoned the hospital again.I introduced myself as usual but the nurse suddenly told me she would call the doctor.My heart started pounding.In a while, the doctor spoke to me on the phone:“Mr.Passer, I´m profoundly sorry but your little one´s died at 3.45 a.m.“ I was feeling as if a dagger had been stabed deep into my heart I was creeping across my flat to tell my wife what she´d already suspected…Picture – an encounter with Bill Gates, president of the managing board of Microsoft company
The American dream
Even as a ten-year-old boy I dreamt of being a great soccer player and in addition, I´d have a beautiful wife, lots of children and a house of my dreams…yeah, all these things were part of my imagination.Nowdays I´ve managed to get most of it but I´ve exchanged the soccer player´s career for the career of the successful businessman.The value of my firm´s gone up to several millions crowns.I was experiencing „an American dream“. It was Friday morning and I was going to see Jane in hospital.We were expecting the birth of our firstborn son and suddenly it came to my mind that it´d have been good for me to say a prayer.Jane was trying to talk to me about God but I was like a nitwitt who didn´t want to hear anything.However,this was an extraordinary situation.I didn´t want any problems to arise.That´s why I turned to God to be only on the safe side.
I cried for joy
Our son came into this world before half past one.We named him Max after my daddy.I came to like him immediately.However, he was born a few weeks earlier and so, he was put into an incubator.Jane´s brought off the whole delivery and the doctors let her have a rest.We stayed together alone in one of the maternity wards.We were holding each other´s hand and experiencing the usual earthly happiness.
My dad was literally delirious with joy.The first grandson was born and he bore his name.On the following day there was a lovely Saturday.First thing in the morning I called my wife at the maternity hospital.She was O.K. and very happy.Little Max´d already been in her room and she tried to breast-feed him.I get dressed quickly and hrried to hospital.When I crossed Vltava on the Jirásek bridge, I cried for joy.
God´s touch
Every day I hurried home.I was looking forward to bathing little Max and I never wanted to miss this activity.After the bathe Jane nursed him and put him to cot.In a few days Jane thought our little drank little so she asked me to call to hospital.On the next morning we gave over our son to the doctor.After an instant we heard unpleasant news – little Max had to undergo an operation.On the way from hospital we cried carrying the baby bag empty.We simply couldn´t believe it.Jane turned to me and said:“I suppose God wants to tell us something.“ At that instant I realized what a nitwitt I was and what I liked most in my life.I didn´t give any opportunity to God to become a part of my life.Right now I could feel very strongly that God exists.At the same time I could feel qualms about the relation to God and my wife.I said loudly:“Jane, I´d like to change for the better.“
Unequal duel
After a couple of days Jane and I went to see little Max in hospital.As soon as the doctor turned up we knew that it was bad.There were tears in his eyes when he told us our little one had a brain tumour that couldn´t be removed.He has no hope of surviving.I´d give everything I had so that I could help him.However, in an unequal dual like this, there was nothing that could be done about it.Our little one´s died about two months later.My “American dream“ collapsed like a house of cards.
The permanent change
I´ve decided to follow God but I haven´t known so far what it actually amounts to.The spiritual darkness, which surrounded me, slowly stepped aside but I didn´t still understand lots of things.Jane and I were talking a lot about God.I wanted to make a permanent change concerning my relationship to God.Slowly I started to conceive who Jesus Christ really is.There was still a quite stretch of the spiritual journey to go before I came to believe that I could be saved through
God´s grace.I confessed my sins to God with regret and it resulted in the peace of my heart.I realized that God´d forgiven me through the justice and sacrifice of Jesus Christ.Later, I felt the deep gratitude for the God´s love and mercy in my heart.It lead me to the change.I longed to follow my Saviour from the bottom of my heart.It meant prefering his will to my own will and trust more in Him than in me.
God is faithful
Jane and I were experiencing a beautiful relationship with Jesus who was the centre of our live and after years of expectation we were looking forward to the baby.On Tuesday August 14, 2001 our little Radek came into the world and in a short time I could have a look at him.God´s ways are something amazing for us mortal beings and they defy description.The Lord gives us the freedom of decision.Nonetheless, he knows what is best for our eternal destiny.He wishes us to decide for Him each day but He forces us to nothing. The biggest obstacle for receiving God is pride.
Undoubtedly, it´s kept me for a long time from realizing that I also needed Jesus in my life.It didn´t dawn on me that without Him everything was only vanity and transitoriness.Only when God allowed our son to die, relying on myself turned out to be as fragile as foundations built on the sand.
The pain in our hearts prevailed but we had hope which was becoming certainty.Our lives with Jesus were worth living again.God always does his part of work on his way and that´s only us who hold the rest of it in our hands because it´s our free decision to receive Jesus or not.
Radim Passer March 2009
Published with the writer´s personal agreement
Displayed 23216x od 12. 03. 2009
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