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Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him.
1 John 5,1

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Looking for myself

Barbora Polášková

For all my life I was tolerant of all the religions, doctrines, philosophical movements because I was looking for myself.When I was adolescent I dallied with the magic, wiccanism, raising spirits and tarot… Looking for myself

How did I come to believe? It took a little longer.For all my life I was tolerant of all the religions, doctrines, philosophical movements because I was finding myself.When I was adolescent I dallied with the magic, wiccanism, raising spirits and tarot.It mesmerized me a lot because it gave me answers to various questions, for example, about my past or future.But I didn´t know if it´s good or evil.I´ve had and still have lots of friends to whom I talk about it and have even done different occult rituals.

 

In the course of time, I stopped enjoying it because I didn´t find the sense of fulfilment in it.I began being into Buddhism but that wasn´t my cup of tea either.At that time I talked a lot to my friends who´ve believed in Jesus Christ.We often argued about it and I could notice them being happy without any pick-me-ups.It was very interesting and then when I was senior at the grammar school I prayed God to give me a proof of his existence because it´d have meant the radical change for me and I´d be able to believe that all I was looking for could find close to God.And the thing was that gradually he started giving me proves but I overlooked them or thought it was just a coincidence ( for example, I was walking down the street and saw a passage from the Bible written on the wall or on TV, I watched a singer that was wearing a T-shirt with Jesus.However, once I began reading a book from Julius Zeyer: Three legends about crucifix – there are three stories where the protagonist is sad, run-down from his life but God will always help him and save him even though that man didn´t want it from him and didn´t accept him.It really got me.I wept when reading each of these stories but didn´t know why ( I was filled with the Holy Spirit ).This was the irrefutable proof for me that God exists, He is here for us and always saves us.

 

But unfortunately, it wasn´t enough for me to be baptized and to be a devoted Christian.The fierce struggle for me  between God and Satan took two years but in the end it turned out well and I decided that I wanted to surrender all my life to God and be baptized in a stone quarry.In addition, it was raining and was only ten degrees there.So it was really amazing baptism where I´d been baptized twice both from below and from above.
 
 
God confirms my right decision for him almost every day and it´s very encouraging ( two years have passed since my baptism ).
 
Barbora Polášková, March 2008
 

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