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How I was rescued – the exhaustive evidence

Ondřej Skuhravý

I grew up in the atheist family.As a small boy I was very fine.At that time my father was a synonym of omnipotence for me and I loved him a lot – as much as a little boy is able to love.My father was absolute for me as well as perhaps for the majority of my peers.I lived with the feeling of absolute safety that my father had offered me.

But nothing lasts forever in this world and I gradually started to be confronted with reality as the years passed.I found out that my father wasn´t omnipotent as I´d believed during all my life.As a little boy I was unable to explain nor name it.I only perceived it like an indistinct feeling.Gradually when I started to realize that my father wasn´t omnipotent I began losing this feeling of safety and certainty.I started to be afraid.I was unable to understand why my father, who I´d loved up to then, couldn´t suddenly fulfill my requests and needs.I was unable to explain it otherwise than I´d made a mistake somewhere and that´s why he stopped loving me.I came to the conclusion that I had to try harder to win his love again.I started searching how I should please him.The more I was trying the less I succeeded.Finally, I came to the conclusion that he stopped loving me.I didn´t understand why when I loved him so much.

He saw it the other way round that he´d made a mistake somewhere and that´s why lost my love.Like this the chasm between us was growing until we stopped being on speaking terms.Then I finished the basic school and went to the secondary school.It was shortly after the revolution and so all sorts of courses of martial arts and conditioning gyms were pouring thick and fast.It seemed to me that in the bottom of my heart I was unprotected, hurt, abandoned and empty.I was scared stiff.Outwardly, it wasn´t seen very much.I was trying to desguise it by good manners, self-control and decent speech.I was mesmerized by films about martial arts.

I was as if swept off my feet when I had possibility of training Kung Fu, taekwondo, karate, or going to the conditioning gym.There was a vision in my heart of brilliant young man with muscles having martial arts at his fingertips.“When I achieve all these things I won´t have to be afraid….“ I was telling myself.I was training very hard so as to fulfil my dream.I trained three or four hours a day on average, six days a week.I´d been training so hard for about three years.I was studying,toning up my muscles and training. It was worth the hope of becoming strong and not have to be afraid.I also wanted to gain the lost love.

It wasn´t very difficult to get from martial arts to various philosophies.Zen Buddhism was probably the first thing that I got to know.I was stunned.My indefinite feelings had suddenly names and I slowly began to realize that there was really something wrong with my surrounding.I gradually penetrated into the mysteries of Zen Buddhism.After some time it wasn´t sufficient for me and I needed more.

It wasn´t far from Zed Buddhism to the supernatural and different mysterious phenomena.It was only a question of time when I´d long to know these phenomena better and closer.

An endless period of searching, reading books and experiments ensued.I couldn´t still help thinking that it had neither rhyme nor reason and I found it chaotic.Every author claimed something else, every writer referred to another sort of strength or power whose origin hadn´t been capable of expounding convincingly.I was trying to find some order in it but I didn´t find anything satisfactory.

I took an interest in the magic, alternative medicine, faith healing.I found mentions about god, about the universal creator more and more frequently who´d created everything and everything belonged to him.My experiments started to bore and depress me.I began being disgusted with all that chaos.Unfortunately, I didn´t notice that while I was carrying out such experiments there was something wrong with my surrounding and with me – or inside me to put it differently…..

Gradually I came across people who were tuned to the same wavelength.I was cooperating with a lady for two years who made a very trustworthy impression on me and on top of that, she was a specialist in pedagogy.It was only much later when the Holy Spirit showed me that she´d been a witch.Then my idea about witches was that they were flying on the broom, had a wart, a black cat and stank.However, this lady lived in a new house and was initiated in the eighth degree from ten degrees of her method and she organized the courses of her method.As for me, I completed the first two degrees.At that time I was mentally very badly off.I had deeper and deeper depressions and unexpected fits of rage.My mood could change from tremendously great into the worst during half a minute.I was looking for her help because I considered her method as fantastic.It consisted in finding the cause of the problems and by getting rid of this cause the original problem was sorted out.

I was completely mesmerized by it.I also yearned to help people.At that time I was interested in reincarnation, different worlds and began to have supernatural experiences.I didn´t notice at all what a heavy price I was paying for that.What I experienced was nothing in comparison with what should follow.I didn´t notice a deepening sense of loneliness and separation.I didn´t notice even deeper darkness and and wasn´t aware of the situation which I was getting more and more into.I didn´t notice still greater bondage of various procedures like: before doing this and that I had tell the fortune with cards or with the aid of divining rod when and how it´d be the best moment for it to turn out well.Is the spread of energies right? The devil knows very well how to justify these states so you´re living under the illusion that everything is O.K.

After some time I left this lady because I wanted to devote my life to my own „healing career“.I wanted to open an advice bureau where people could come and be told the solutions to their problems.Then I didn´t have the faintest idea what I was doing.When I look back in time I realize I wanted to be like God to whom people would have come and would have received the solutions.I´d have lived on their admiration, respect and esteem.Then I´d have been loved, wanted and respected and I wouldn´t have had to be afraid because everybody would love me.This is one of the characteristic of Satan because he wanted to be God as well…. ( Is 14 :13-14 ).

So I sold my firm and withdrew into seclusion so that I wasn´t disturbed in my spiritual activity – then I´d known something about God – or if you like – I thought I knew something about God.I even prayed to him – Oh, my omnipotent God please do…..I was working very hard with divining rod, developping my telepathic abilities, communicating with my „spiritual teachers“ and „guardien angels“.There was a setback in it – I never knew exactly who I was talking to.Only a voice told me something and I experienced a gradual estrangement.

In addition, I began considering myself as being more spiritual than the others and I took them for inferior.They couldn´t understand me after all when they were in the lesser spiritual degree.I said to myself I´d have to help them.I still didn´t realize the price I was paying for it.I experienced a terrible panic but my „teachers“explained it to me quite logically that my spiritual sight was opening to me and I could see the dirt of my sins which I´d leave thanks to their „help“ and my endurance in the course of time.I used to have the real dreams where I was with the good „extraterrestrial beings“that were helping us in our spiritual growth and waiting for the supreme Creator to give an order and they´d save us with their boats….

The last straw was when I „arrived“at Hinduism.Then I perceived it as the culmination of my efforts but nowdays I see it as the culmination of my decay.I think the religions are one of the worst things that there are here if not even the worst thing.I was given a new hope or if you like it, my hope for nice and happy life was still more consolidated and strengthened – I had a feeling of victory – I already knew where I´d find it and then I knew how I´d reach it.Two last things that separated me from my long-desired happiness, love and joy.I was looking forward to standing before my father in a victorious way and with this newly acquiered love I´d renew our relationship and then all of us´d be happy as before.

Every practising Christian immediately understands who is who in this vision described in the previous sentence.Then I perceived it as I´d just described it but in reality it was a desire of the desperately fallen human creature to return to God the Father, to return home.Nowdays I know it meant:“When I find and obtain a new life I´ll be able to return to my Father and then everything will be hunky-dory“. But I didn´t understand it at that time, I perceived it as I did and I was extremely enthusiastic about figuring out finally how I´d get out of this horror in which I´d found myself.I said in my heart:“I´ve already known that it´s in god and I´d get there if I clear my divine essence of the layer of sin with proper and intense help of my teachers – when I´d be doing the deeds and rituals that were determined and authorized by the spiritual geniuses of India….like this I´d gradually clear my sinfulness and would be able to be in harmony with God Creator….

“I obtained a new hope to win the lost love again.I was like a blind man.I was able to sacrifice whatever.I didn´t see how everything around me was tumbling.I was angry, evil, agressive but it was all the same to me.I thought it was within my reach, only one little step and I´d have it…..only a little way…Everyone who dared even if only unintentionally to lay hands on my hope was immediately my enemy.I immediately executed him in my heart.I guess if Jesus didn´t intervene I´d become a religious fundamentalist or a regular patient of the lunatic asylum and I wouldn´t stick at liquidating my „enemies“.

I didn´t have the foggiest idea at all that I´d just brought about the long years of pain and sufferings.And I didn´t know at all that there´d be a time when „this wonderful and completely fantastic hope“ became the most traumatic and and the most tragic disappointment in my life.That it´d become the rock preventing me from knowing the real love, the real Father, the real Saviour….

I was seized with fits of rage when I felt the uncontrollable urge to hurt myself.I don´t need to say that the relations in my family was at the freezing point or rather below freezing point.I didn´t have my will anymore.Something or someone controlled my will.I was incapable of concentrating on anything and I forgot a lot.I felt like drowning the whole world – without the least regret.In my opinion everyone deserved it….they were poor unspiritual worms that hadn´t had the potential for understanding my divine wisdom…and it got me very mad…

I came across some Christians who told me about God and about Jesus when I was in this poor state.I was indescribably proud and took them for the spiritual poppies.I said in my heart:“What can they offer to me?“They even don´t know that after death you reincarnate and don´t have any supernatural abilities either…..In any case their talk was interesting for me in some points and so I thought about it.When we met for the second time we had a chat again.Some time later one of them invited me to coffee and I was game.At that time I was ready to drop so I didn´t feel like defying.In the bottom of my heart I knew I wouldn´t stand it for long and if there wasn´t a miraculous change, something horrible would happen.Everyone who knows what the autumn field turned up by a tractor looks like can form an idea on the state of my heart.

I was interested in it and when he offered me to ask Jesus into my life I took a long time to agree.With the aid of other Christians I reeled off the prayer of salvation and invited Jesus into my life.Nothing happened.I expected a sort of fantastic spiritual experience but nothing happened.I staggered from that flat and returned home.I didn´t notice anything but after three days I realized I´d been absolutely calm for three days.I believe that then Jesus confirmed the validity of my declaration with this calmness – like this he confirmed our treaty.

There were various problems around me but they didn´t weigh on my mind.After three days all this disappeared and I was in the middle of heavy waters again.As if someone took me and threw me back into the whirl.But there was a difference – my depressions gradually eased.Gradually the demons stopped appearing to me and I accepted my healing step by step.It wasn´t from day to day but in the course of months everything started to change.I was invited at the congregation but I didn´t feel like going there much – or more precisely I didn´t feel at all like going there but I said to myself that if I´d already promised it so I´d go there.In addition, I was paralyzed with horror in my heart from my previous:“spiritual“experiences and was suffering from indescribable loneliness and friendlessness that I´d been incapable of standing.

Everyone who went through such an intensive fear and horror that had been unable to scream nor to cry nor to do anything else knows very well what I´m talking about.The fear was almost tangible for me.When I came at the congregation there was a very interesting sermon that touched me.I believe God´s again done it in such a way that I understood this teaching like those things I´d busied myself.

That´s why I decided not to go anywhere next time and to develop my own spirituality at home where I wasn´t disturbed by others.But one of many key moments occured in my life.The next day the pastor phoned and asked me whether something happen to me because I hadn´t come the day before.His voice was very pleasant and nice and I noticed the real interest in his voice.It wasn´t just a mere formality.At that moment there was nothing else in this world that would touch me more.The greatest wizzard in the world could stand before me with all his conjuring tricks or some major yogin and it wouldn´t impress me but this only phone call stunned me.

All my life I was under the impression that nobody cared about me and the last five years I was living in greater and greater loneliness and estrangement and suddenly, when I was almost resigned to the impossibility of changing anyhow this state of loneliness, friendlessness and estrangement, a man, who I´d seen just once in my life called me and was interested to know whether something hadn´t happened to me.There was something more than just concern in his voice.There was something in it that ripped through my broken heart like a bombshell, penetrated the thick skin and struck me somewhere deep in my heart.I believe Jesus used him to strike my heart full of resignation and disillusions.Immediately I decided that I´d have to come next time.I wasn´t interested in the sermon, wasn´t interested in people nor „music“ that was played there – I took interest in one thing – a faint hope that that there might be something or someone who was interested in me…as if the light of hope glimmered very far away and was almost imperceptible.

So I started to attend the congregation.At that time I felt the unclear need of someone who´d lead me and teach me.From my previous practise I knew I needed so-called Guru, that is, a spiritual leader who´d lead me through the pitfalls of my spiritual journey and he´d bring me back home – back to God.In the congregation they kept talking about Jesus and singing and slowly I started to be bored again.Gradually I resolved on getting back to my Hindu scriptures and began to look for my Guru.

But then another of key moments occured in my life.After the meeting a preacher sat next to me and opened a conversation with me.He asked me how I perceived the word that´d been preached how I was getting on and how I was doing and so on.I began explaining to him what I was doing how I asked Jesus into my life and that then I needed a spiritual leader who´d lead me further and to whom I´d entrust everythinng.He told me a short sentence that left me dumbfounded.“You know, my spiritual leader is Jesus“….I´m unable to describe the shock that this sentence caused in my heart.Outwardly I didn´t react because I learnt to hide my emotions carefully but in my heart I was completely stunned and you could knock me down with a feather.

I was unable to respond.This sentence has stimulated and is sill stimulating me at the moments of heavy attacks when I was fuming with rage and hatred and when I had a good mind to throw all the Christianity away, take it for a bad joke and get back to “the right“ path of rituals and internal self-purification….I went away from this prayer meeting and was satisfied in my heart – „I´d found my spiritual master“..From my previous „studies“ I knew very well what the concept of the „spiritual leader“ had meant – someone to whom we fully surrender our lives – someone into whose hands we put all our lives and we allow him to lead us back to God – back home.At that time I didn´t have the foggiest idea what the Christianity or more precisely the life with Jesus Christ is about.It was absolutely sufficient for me to have my spiritual leader.

Since then I´d preferred going to the congregation.After some time it recurred that I began to be bored at the congregation and so I decided that I wouldn´t come the next time.But then as if something in my heart told me:Don´t go anywhere and stay here.“ It was soft and authoritative at the same time.I didn´t risk opposing.Slowly I started to know the life in the congregation but in my heart there was a deep wound which didn´t want to heal at any price.It was a terrible disappointment.I experienced the severe internal pain that dazzled me so much that I was incapable of doing anything about it.

I was unable to define it, never mind do something about it.It was only after four years that I understood this mental state to such an extent that I was capable of defining it.It was a disappointment from god and after some time I understood from what kind of god.I was disillusioned in what I´d believed and in what I´d put my hopes.I believed that what I came to know was god and that I was feeling lousy just because of my ignoring him.That´s why I was trying to please god in every possible way.I believed that god had communicated with me through the divine sparkle which was within me ( as the eastern philosophy teaches ) and that I didn´t hear it only owing to the fact that this divine essence had fallen into the sin and then it was necessary to clean it in a right way.The only thing that I learnt was to satisfy only myself.I became the slave of the circumstances and thanks to „my life from faith“also the burden for others.When I´ve heard for the first time that all the yogins and great “spiritual masters“ of East as well as all the magicians, who I´d admired, go to the lake of fire ( if they don´t surrender their lives to Jesus ) I was shocked and couldn´t come to terms with it for half a year.I was unable to cope with the reality that the yogin who were sitting in the cave, meditating, developping his spiritual abilities, and then at the end of his life if he doesn´t surrender his life to Jesus he goes to the lake of fire.

Gradually I came to know that all the spiritual activities except the activities of Jesus are only a monstruous hoax and fake from the god of this world – devil.The Bible calls him the father of lie and murderer from the very beginning ( John 8:44 ).He offers us only the poor imitation of the salvation at the end of which you fall into the lake of fire.Gradually I understood what I´d originally wanted was the salvation and that the devil gave me the forgery of this salvation in the guise of directions how to save myself – sort of “do it by yourself“.In reality it´s just blasphemy against God the Father and Jesus because by taking part in this activity you spit on the Jesus Christ´s sacrifice and despise His sacrifice unashamedly.The Bible calls the occult and activities like this the abomination.

After all these things had occured I was just a shadow of former self internally paralyzed with fear and afraid of what god would do to me again.I was decided in my heart I didn´t want to have anything to do with god….that the whole time I was trying hard and he didn´t do anything for me and so I wouldn´t do anything for him either.Only after a few years I understood that it was me who was this god.I was studying my „divine essence“ for so long until I drew „a conclusion“ that I was god.And so when I wanted to please god, in actual fact I pleased my own ego.When I made a decision that I wouldn´t give any love to god because I loved him and he didn´t return my love I cursed myself without knowing it and so I denied myself love and caused myself another suffering.

A stage of indescribable confusion and chaos followed.I didn´t know whether I was on my head or on my heels.When I decided to burn my occult books I had the feeling as if there was a conspiracy against me.I was unable to read the Bible.I didn´t comprehend it at all and my thoughts were running away.

He rubed salt in the wounds of my heart.My heart was like a stone and it was only thanks to the endless patience and grace of Jesus Christ that I was capable of going through this period of horrour and sufferings.And he gradually took the heart of stone out of my flesh and gave me a heart of flesh,…( Esechiel 11:19 ).Just as before surrending my life to Jesus something in my heart told me imperceptibly that what I´d been doing wasn´t right so nowdays something assured me that I´d pull it off and that there´d be a time when everything´d be all right.

It´d taken four years since I got out of the greatest horror and was able to work normally in everyday life.I went through the period of chaos, desperation,desillusionment,desire to die and endless feeling of pointlessness and futility.All the efforts of my life failed and dissapointed me and sooner or later turned out to be non-functional.The only thing that really sorted my problems out was the knowledge of the Truth.It´s written:

Jesus´s gradually healed all the wounds and scars in my heart and changed my stone heart into the heart that started to be able to feel something, to perceive and to experience.I´m grateful to Jesus that he was and is so patient and that he´s lead me through the horrors of the occult and its catastrophical consequences patiently.I had the opportunity to notice Jesus destroying the devil´s strongholds in my mind and healing my ruined heart softly.After some time I succeeded in doing my first repentance that had the tangible and especially immediate results for me.Then I understood a very important thing.We could confess our sins.

God would forgive them and although they had been forgiven we could stay in them.It´s necessary to make the third step, which is TO RECEIVE THIS FORGIVENESS into my life!!! I decided not to want ever anything from God and my „disappointment from god“ prevented me from accepting anything from him.I was afraid that he´d do something to me again, that he´d disappoint me and especially that I´d lose lots of things.First of all, I wanted a proof so that I could believe….

Ondřej Skuhravý, Pilsen, October 2005, Ondra.sk@volny.cz

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